Chapter XVI: Me Too
I woke up the next morning; bags under my eyes from staying up writing in the dark. I rolled over in bed facing Ben as he slowly roused himself awake. He whispered good morning, kissing my forehead before he moseyed over to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Though I could have slept for hours longer, I forced myself upright, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. With a large sigh, I tipped my head backwards, hands firmly by my side.
Will this ever be over?
I walked down the long hallway; the shoddy hardwood floors squeaking beneath my bare feet as I made my way to the galley kitchen. I pulled out the Folger’s coffee grounds and began brewing my coffee. As I sat waiting on the bar stools, the notes of earthy java filled the air and I started contemplating what I had done not hours before. Despite my fear in unleashing the truth behind my pain, I felt vindicated and couldn’t shake the feeling that this was something that needed to happen.
Steam escaped from the top of the coffee maker; indicating it was time to pour a cup and head to the dining room table and begin my workday. I sat and opened my laptop, checked my work e-mail and responded to a few client messages as Ben entered the dining room and sat down across from me smiling.
“Working from home today?” he said as he bent over to tie his shoes.
“Think so,” I said sipping my coffee while trying to fix my bedhead before he could pop his head back up from his feet.
Just as he sat back up, a sound came from my laptop; a new G-mail message. I clicked to the proper tab in my browser.
Oh, God, I thought, trying not to make my sudden panic obvious to my new boyfriend staring at me from across the table.
Ben looked up at me, not knowing what expression I had; this one seemed new.
For a split second, I thought about not telling him. Why ruin his morning? But then, I remembered the promise we had made to each other that summer on his porch one evening; the promise that helped our relationship not just survive but thrive through all of turbulence that the Monster tried to create for us.
No secrets.
“Ben, I did something,” I chuckled; unsure if it was out of fear or relief. “Promise you won’t be mad?”
“I promise,” he replied.
“I started writing the story." I said. “I posted it last night because I couldn’t sleep.”
I turned my computer around and pulled it up so he could read it. I remember watching his eyes dart back and forth as he read each paragraph carefully. I bit my lip, trying to read his thoughts.
“Damn,” he said. I knew I was doomed. “You’re a really good writer, Lindsay,”
The surprise on my face was obvious but there was more to my confession.
“Well, I just got this from his attorney,” I said as I pointed toward the tab he needed to click on next. An e-mail:
***
Dear Ms. Damrow,
This firm represents the Monster.
It has come to our attention that you posted false and misleading statements and allegations on the internet and/or social media outlets with the intent of disparaging and slandering the Monster. It has also come to our attention that you have photos posted of you together with the Monster. You are instructed to CEASE AND DESIST from the unauthorized USE, POSTING, PUBLISHING, OR OTHERWISE DISTRIBUTION, IN ANY MANNER WHATSOEVER, OF MY CLIENT’S IMAGE OR ANY DEPICTION OR DESCRIPTION OF MY CLIENT including but not necessarily limited to: 1) posting or publishing any and all videos, photographs, descriptions, or any images or recordings, containing any depiction of my client whatsoever, on any internet forum, or any other forum whatsoever; 2) posting or publishing my client’s name or persona in any forum whatsoever; and 3) posting or publishing any information regarding my client in any forum whatsoever. You are instructed to cease and desist from any action that invades or violates my client’s rights to privacy, or any other Illinois law. If you fail to remove the aforementioned material, or if you take any other action in violation of this cease and desist letter or otherwise in violation of Illinois law, be advised that my client will pursue this matter in a court of law, where he will seek injunctive relief and damages from you. This situation has caused and continues to cause damage to my client, and must be remedied immediately. Please contact me immediately at 312-XXX-XXXX to inform me how you plan to remedy this situation. If the material is not removed within seven (7) calendar days from the date of this letter, my client will assume that you do not intend to take the proper steps to remedy this situation, and will be forced to pursue injunctive relief in a court of law.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Some Real Estate Attorney Trying to Flex
***
Ben laughed out loud. “You just posted this though?” He said almost confused.
“I know!” I replied. “He or one of his brainwashed friends must be very seriously stalking my blog and/or social media accounts.”
“What a loser.”
“Are you okay with this?” I asked quietly.
“I mean, I’m sure it feels good getting this out,” he said assuredly. “Does it help?
“Yes,” I said. “But if you don’t want me to I’ll stop now and never look back.”
My eyes met his and he smiled.
“Well, its not slander if its true.”
***
As the weeks went on, the Monster tried new tricks to get me to stop my narrative. And with each tactic he attempted, he failed whilst my audience steadily grew and grew. First a few hundred, then a few thousand. For the first time, I realized I wasn’t alone; I was being heard.
***
Tuesday, February 5th, 2019
A letter from his attorney:
Good Morning,
Please note that my client filed a police report related to the unauthorized Amazon purchases, which have yet to be refunded.
Sincerely,
Monster’s Real Estate Attorney
She attached a police report; a rather laughable document citing credit card fraud from the same Amazon purchases made back in October that I had already taken care of. I proceeded with the necessary due diligence and called Amazon again to confirm that he had been refunded. They confirmed what I already knew to be true and I gathered the evidence that would be needed; knowing all too well that it would never come to anything and that this was a pathetic attempt to lash out and scare me; to get me to stop writing. The truth, however, was more powerful than any scare tactic a sad, feeble boy would try.
***
As weeks went by, the chance of the condo selling quickly dwindled down to nothingness. I was still paying over $3,000 a month since he abandoned it that August, while he lived on the 34th floor of a luxury two bed/two bath in the South Loop; a unit I would later find out cost him over $4,000/month.
“I don’t understand how he can claim he can’t afford to help me with the Aldine apartment when he’s paying almost three times as much,” I told a girlfriend over drinks.
My friend had been by my side since day one. She was the person whose apartment I could escape to, whether to talk or just watch bad reality TV and forget everything for a few hours.
“Lindsay, I looked into him a bit,” she told me one day. She explained that she had access to certain background check software; most likely used for big corporations to look into people before they get hired. “He has wiped himself clean.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“Well you can have a clean record online or you can have just no record,” she explained. “He’s buried almost every detail about his criminal record; it’s very unusual, like he’s trying to hide something.”
I did a search myself, pulling up our wedding website that was still active at the time. My name was in the title, but his was nowhere to be found.
What the actual fuck?
My friend and I exchanged nervous glances.
I got up and immediately grabbed another bottle of wine.
***
I was becoming restless in the apartment I once called a home. With no end in sight, coupled with the Monster’s continued erratic behavior, I reached out to someone I thought could help. An attorney I once knew; one of the best in her field. For the sake of privacy, let’s call her Leslie.
***
Hi Leslie,
I hope my note finds you well.
I am reaching out to you because you helped guide me through turbulent times back in 2016 as a TFA/PMD at Merrill Lynch. Thank you again for your help.
I unfortunately have become involved in an property/money dispute with my ex-fiance and was hoping you might have a referral for an attorney that may be able to help and/or offer some guidance.
We were supposed to get married in September 2018; however, while I was on a work trip in March of 2018, he cheated and got a girl pregnant. They have decided to keep the child, and my family and I were therefore forced to call the wedding off. He typed an apology letter to my parents, offering to pay back all non-refundable wedding expenses (around $50k). He also agreed to deed our joint condo to me as part of that payment.
He unfortunately has gone back on his word and not only has refused my family repayment, he stopped paying the mortgage with me altogether in August. This has left me in a world of financial hurt and while, after many months, he agreed to sign a listing agreement to jointly sell, I need advice on how to proceed and hopefully recoup all money that my family and I are owed.
There are many more disturbing details surrounding this situation and his behavior; however, I wanted to provide a gist so you may get an idea of what kind of help I am seeking.
I understand this isn't your wheelhouse, but if there is anyone you can recommend, I would be truly grateful. While I do not have plentiful funds to pay for excessive court fees/attorney costs, I'd gladly pay for advice and, should an attorney be confident in a potential case, do whatever possible to bring this unfortunate and painful chapter to a close.
Thank you very much for your time. I hope to hear from you.
Best,
Lindsay
***
She responded minutes later and we devised a plan.
***
As I got ready for bed that night, I knew things were far from over. Despite the relief of having Leslie on my team, she reminded me that it would get worse before it would get better; a sentiment I already knew but wanted to forget.
I hopped over Ben, already adorably tucked into his basement bed up against the cold wall. As was habit, I reached over for the chord to plug in my phone and noticed an Instagram notification. It was a name I didn’t recognize; someone reaching out to my blog handle @thechicagoitgirl. I laid my head back down, expecting spam or junk mail but instead, I read the following:
“So you don’t know me but I thought I might give you some peace of mind. Recently, <Monster> added me on Instagram and Facebook. Years ago, before I met my amazing husband, I dated <Monster>. This was right before <baby mama>, who I hear nothing but bad things about from high school.
I heard he was engaged and out of serious curiosity, I kinda creeped a little. I thought, “Wow he’s happy and she is very cute; good for him.” I read your blog and can I just say I felt like I was reading my own story. He’s a lying, jealous narcissist and you seriously dodged a bullet, my dear. I thought I was going to marry him, but then I found out who he really was. He was a manipulating person (slowly being amazing and then brainwashing you). He actually led me to finding the great guy I’m with today.
I really figured out what’s important when marrying someone and I found it. I wanted to say good luck to you. You look beautiful and sound very creative and smart, so don’t ever wonder what went wrong. You won, my friend.
And again, I’m probably nosey as hell, but I felt so bad when I read your blog. He is not right in the head. He did the same love notes, the same act with me too. I got out fast because I started not feeling myself anymore…”
***
I flung myself forward and upright in the bed; my body started shaking as I turned to Ben, still lying next to me, unable to speak.
His eyes widened as he sat upright and put his arms around me, unsure of what had just transpired.
I gave him my phone and asked him to read what I just had; the tears rolling down my face like summer downpour over my pale cheeks.
I’m not alone.
It wasn’t my fault.
After Ben finished, I collapsed into his arms, feeling every emotion of the ordeal all over again. I finally knew as fact what I had suspected for so long; the Monster had hurt others. The Monster hurt women; over and over and over.
Thank you, Savannah*.
What I didn’t know, was that she would be the first. The first of many.
***
